I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize