so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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