mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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