Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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