You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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