I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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