If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Ladies don't puke and tell
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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