butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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