I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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