I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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