the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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