two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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