My balls are so social today.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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