I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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