Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All the doctor said was why
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize