Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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