Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
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We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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