I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
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The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
where are my eyebrows?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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