Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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