just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize