then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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