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I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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