Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
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What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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