remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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