i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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