You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Randomize