if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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