This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize