There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize