I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
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Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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