i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
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No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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