just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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