Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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