He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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