Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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