I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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