the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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