My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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