I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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