I faked an abortion last night.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize