How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize