two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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