i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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