She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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