Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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