If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize