is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize