If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
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i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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