508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
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No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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