Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
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do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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